delight.

At church, we are in a series called Lies We Believe. Today's sermon focused on lies we believe about God, specifically these three lies: 1) I can earn God's love, 2) My sin makes it impossible to be close to God, and 3) God could never use me. I'm basically a half-hearted believer in all three of those lies; intellectually, I know these statements are all false, but oftentimes it's difficult to get my heart to concur. 

I grew up in a very legalistic environment. Missionary kid boarding school was filled with rules enforced by leaders who showed no mercy to anyone who dared to step a foot across a line, no matter how senseless that line seemed. Much of this was reinforced at home. It appeared it was a sin for boys to have hair that touched their collar. Sundays were for sitting in your dorm doing nothing. If you stepped foot out of your dorm to go to church or a meal or a walk (no running allowed!), Sunday clothes were required. Off campus, if someone sported a tatoo or a boy dared to have an earring? Those individuals were sure to be smited by God. Obviously, such an upbringing cultivated not only a very judgmental attitude towards others, but also a feeling of failing to measure up. And of course I long lived under the impression that if all these outward appearances could get you kicked out, doing the right things like having daily devotions, praying using the acronym ACTS, and going to church would get me in. 

Thankfully, a pastor at one of the churches Mark and I attended taught about grace. I learned about how God shows me mercy when I screw up and still get to live...and live with so much blessing. And He shows me incredible grace by giving me so much that is unmerited, the most important thing being forgiveness and eternal life. Because mercy is not getting what you deserve, and grace is getting what you don't deserve, right?

Still. Even though I intellectually know about God's grace and mercy, and I know I can't earn His favor, I still so very often feel incredibly inadequate. Mark is constantly telling me he hates that I'm so hard on myself. But sometimes I think why would God love ME? It's when the devil whispers that question that I begin to doubt that I can be close to God because of my actions. My feelings of inadequacy mount because how could God ever use ME? 

The pastor this morning used a great illustration of how his son got in trouble with the principal at school and thus the pastor and his wife had to mete out a punishment. He pointed out that if anything, as his son was serving out the consequences of his actions, the two of them grew closer. The dad did not shun his son because he messed up. He instead spent time with him through the punishment, enabling his son to ponder, If mom and dad love me this much after I got in trouble, they must really love me. Then the pastor noticed that in their relationship, they were delighting in each other. 

Did you know the Lord delights in us? In you and in me? Isaiah 62:4 says, "...for the LORD delights in you and will claim you as his bride." Since God refers to His children as His bride, this means He delights in me! Zephaniah 3:17 promises, "...He will take delight in you with gladness." 

And from my favorite Psalm 37, verse 23 tells us that, "The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives." Every detail? Wow! 

When I screw up, my tendency is to put some distance between me and God. Even if I have asked for forgiveness, my shame still keeps me from opening the Bible or talking to Him. What if instead I ran to Him to be near Him...even when I've really messed up? Then we can delight in each other. And that would be very good for the soul!